Does Age Really Matter?
December 17, 2009 by Will
Filed under Dating Tips, Relationships
A consistent theme that touches upon all of us at one point another in our lives after becoming attracted in the beginning stages of dating is when you find out how old the person is. The hope of finally meeting someone you really like comes to a screeching halt because of the number of years that have gone by since the person was birthed on our green(ish) earth.
It’s becoming increasingly difficult to distinguish how someone old is from first impressions when younger people are dressing to look older and older people who are still young in spirit are taking on drastic measures to hold onto a youthful appearance. Unless explicitly stated, sometimes its pretty hard to guess a person’s age. But even before getting to know a person’s age, all the chemistry built up, common interests and the great vibe built up is dashed to pieces. All because of what? You found out the person’s age.
A Double Standard?
While it’s culturally acceptable across all societies and has been the norm for men to be dating and eventually marrying younger women, women who are older who date younger men are seen as “Cougars”, and much more uncommon than their male counterparts. We live one decade into the 21st century and while there were major strides for gender and race relations in the last hundred years, the same for age in matters of the heart cannot be said. There hasn’t much serious thought beyond Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore getting married that was considered “media worthy”, which brought the issue of age differences to the forefront of dating and relationships.
Can you count the number of times on your fingers, couples who you knew personally who were in the aforementioned situation? Maybe 2-3 couples max is my guess. So why is this exactly?
You can’t “fake it until you make it”
We don’t give the issue of age the weight it deserves. It’s easy to be dating someone your age because your experience level in the dating scene is roughly the same level and the stage in life, struggles, challenges and aspirations are similar enough that you can relate and build rapport with each other on the most basic level. But to be dating someone older, one of the most important things you need to have established is your maturity level to be able to overcome these very real obstacles. Sure, you can fake it for a while, but eventually your lack of experience in both life and dating while shine through. While differences in age may be a non-issue for some, it’s a very real obstacle for others.
Some of you may argue it isn’t an urgent or pressing matter. How many times have you thought someone who was 5 (+/-) years older or younger was attractive but felt awkward after realizing what their age was? More often than not, it feels as if the connection that was made is severed.
Better questions give you better answers
No one can tell you what’s the best decision you can make when it comes dating people who are at a different age and different stage of their lives, only you and the other person know that answer. However, here are some questions to ask yourself or just think about if you’re not willing to have what could amount to an uncomfortable conversation when you’re entertaining the idea of dating someone who is (according to your own standards) older or younger than you.
- Why do you like the person exactly?
- What do you want exactly?
- Are you clear and honest with what your intentions are?
- Is it a fling?
- Is this for the long term?
- Can you empathize with your partner and see their point of view and their insecurities or concerns?
- Are your beliefs and values in alignment?
- What stage in life are both of you in right now?
- Is there talk about Marriage eventually?
- What about children?
On top of all of this, there are potential deal-breakers that may arise in addition to a significant age gap which may resemble:
- Lifestyle choices
- Mindset
- Sexual compatibility/preferences
- Ambitions and differing stages in life
Being attracted to a person’s personality or their physique can only get you so far. Furthermore, their experience gap probably eclipses yours as they’ve been through heartbreak, bullshit, and drama. The last a person who has something close to a decade on you (or more) wants is to have to go about “teaching” you how you should be in a relationship, and having to really put for a gargantuan effort to make a relationship work – and it shouldn’t have to feel that way.
Despite all the logic your brain throws at you, you might have been caught up in the throes of attraction and passion. But if you’ve gone through these questions or at least thought of some of the issues beforehand, you’re one step closer to gaining clarity and feeling more secure about the relationship you’re about to enter or already in.
Have you ever been a difficult situation when it came to finding out his or her age? Leave a comment below 
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