The 11 Types of Women You’ll Meet at a Bar or a Club

From “The Gold Digger” to “The Mother Hen”, we’ve profiled each type of woman for this tongue-in-cheek Non-Definitive Guide to The 11 Types of Women You’ll Meet at a Bar or a Club:

You can also check out the companion article, The 7 Types of Douchebags You’ll Meet at a Bar or a Club

*PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THAT THIS ARTICLE IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES AND HUMOUR ONLY AND IN NO WAY COMPREHENSIVE*

Gold Digger – you can identify the Gold Digger immediately when they ask the questions that are important in fulfilling their agenda – to get free drinks or find their next mark in attaining the lifestyle they want through their looks and the promise of sex. They will drain your bank account and maybe you – if you’re lucky. They can be identified around VIP areas. Their uniform is a slinky cocktail dress and/or waaay too much makeup. May have breast augmentation as part of their arsenal, helping them to achieve maximum gold digging effectiveness.

Quick tip: mention that you’re an engineer and they’ll immediately flee (I joke about engineers… well.. not really. It’s true, right?

The Mother Hen – their sole agenda is to look after her “chicks” and ensure that every single one is accounted for by the end of the night. Usually has a dominant personality and not easily fooled. If you want to gain access to her circle of friends, it’s best to win her over first. Might be a good idea to have a trusty wingman by your side to help out and diffuse any situations that may arise.

The ADD Chick – although they can be extremely fun and gregarious, the ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) chick is ALL over the place. Be it old friends she hasn’t seen “in ages” who have just grabbed her attention, to the entourage she just rolled into the bar or club with or that damned song she loves and bolts towards the dance floor with her friends, it’ll be extremely difficult to get her attention for an attention span of more than 3 minutes.

The “11” – there’ll always be that *one* woman in the bar or club that is so mesmerizing that we automatically drool and put her on a pedestal. She is the epitome of everything a man thinks he wants. Face it, you’re just not good enough for her. You’ll happily joke with your friends and drool. For the vast majority of men, the mere thought of approaching her takes a gargantuan effort and courage to muster even a simple “hello” before you shrink away (along with your balls).

The Fat Chick – look, I’m being real here. I’m not discriminating or slandering. I’m just saying that there will always be that “Fat Chick” that is accompanies a hot friend and cute one. It’s just the way things play out and will continue to perpetuate itself as long as McDonalds, Chocolates and Cake exists. She probably has a great personality too, and cool to hang out with. May or may not be insecure.

The Girl Next Door – sweet as sugar, when you meet her, she’s the coolest chick you’ll ever meet. She’s super cute and has a warm and inviting personality. Conversation and flow well and you can relate to her on every level. She not only plays XBOX 360, but owns a PS3 AND Wii as well! She can hold her own on the dance floor and tease you as hard as your buddies. Lay off trying “too hard” and you’ll be more likely to get to know better outside of the club or bar environment.  May hold traits similar to the Nerdy Girl (see below)

The “Dance Only” Girl – look, moron – she’s there to DANCE ONLY mmkay??  So run along and bug some other women.  Jerk!

The Druggie – she might be totally cool and kind of resemble The Girl Next Door, but her true intentions will be revealed once she mentions how much she’d enjoy a hit of (insert favourite drug here). Whether you’re a user or not, she’ll think you’re the best thing since sliced toast if you could “hook her up”. May be a combination of the ADD Chick as well.

The Cougar – this ferocious breed of woman is out for one thing and one thing only – to catch her prey and bring him back to her cougar den “to play.” She can be identified by her oozing sexual vibe and the “fuck me” look when she’s identified her prey – playfully flirtatious but deadly serious to get out of the bar or club with a suitor and get off, if you catch my drift.

The Drama Queen – she’s a train wreck waiting to happen.   Gossip-hub, self-centred and blows things out of proportion, she is needy, has a weak sense of reality and holds a victim mindset. It’s all about her – right here, right NOW.  Once identified, stay away and if you’re chatting up one of her friends you better get her number fast (if you’re into drama) or distract with a her with a trusty wingman.

The Nerdy Girl – there’s something about them, maybe it’s the glasses. Maybe it’s their disdain for the mainstream or their fluency in all things nerdy/geeky and ability to school you in what you’re interested in.  Can hold her own and is usually approachable and up for a few rounds of drinks with her friends.  She works hard and/or studies hard and plays even  harder.  May hold traits similar to the Girl Next Door

What are some of the characters that you’ve met or seen?  Is there anything that I missed?  Let’s hear your stories in the comments below

*** If you found this funny, you can also check out the companion article, The 7 Types of Douchebags You’ll Meet at a Bar or Club

Special Thanks goes out to Amanda and Carla for giving their input.  I love you guys!

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